Where hobos go to poop!
As I was perusing our google analytics today (sure, I could be working, but this is just so much more “fun.”), I noticed that our highest referral was from the search words “goto poop.” Now, when we first started the site, I used to check the google analytics religiously, and this would just piss me off. I would see the the average visit would last 10 seconds and that no one from the states of Montana or Wyoming had visited our site (yeah, but those motherfuckers rolled over once I started a goddamn twitter feud with them, yeah boy!). After all this, I decided it wasn’t good for me to check the analytics anymore…it was bad for my blood pressure.
So today, out of nowhere I decide to check , and sure enough, I find our highest referral is “goto poop.” Now, when you are in this situation, there’s really only one thing to do….google “goto poop,” and what do I find, you ask? THAT WE ARE THE NUMBER 2 LINK ON GOOGLE FOR “GOTO POOP”!!! SUCK IT EVERYBODY ELSE! And with that, I’d like to announce my retirement from the interwebs. I’ve now achieved more than I ever could have hoped. Sidenote: I am NOT retiring from the interwebs and I’m gonna harrass you mother fuckers for a long goddamn time! As a matter of fucking fact, I’m gonna podcast tonight and you little bitch asses will listen to me (according to google for 1:33. Bitch.) I’M OUT.
Is Funny or Die taking their bits. They’ve pulled together everyone who played a president on SNL over the last 30+ years (except for Phil Hartman, who was shot by his wife. What the hell did he do to her? I’m saying herpes) for this PSA. It’s hilarious and informative. Mostly hilarious. See for yourself. And by for yourself I’m talking about the 3 of us that run this thing and our respective partners. So 6 people total. And since Nick and I(Danny) have already seen it, 4 people. Well, actually, none of our partners really look at this site, so basically, Jizzbow, watch this video.
So, podcasting and blogging wasn’t enough. We’ve decided to tweet (and we are posting this, because we assume you are too retarded to look to your right and see the feed). Nothing like 140 characters to express the inner-fuckedupness of our brains. So if you like what we do (and according to google analytics, you do not) check us out. Or don’t. We don’t give a shit. We won’t stop until we’ve harrassed you into submission. Click below!
Here is where you click for additional borderline retarded rantings and observations of us.
We finally made it through the apple bullshit and we are up. Enjoy, try not to crap your pants from excitement. Ah fuck it, crap away!
I need to preface this post by saying I am a Dodger fan. I still feel I can talk about Tim “The Freak” Lincecum pretty objectively. I actually really like The Freak. He’s insanely talented, but he’s also got that “winners mentality,” as well. He’s also done what no other pitcher has done in history (editors note: I haven’t verified this, but I’m pretty confident)- in a span of 2 weeks he got busted by a cop in Washington with about an eighth of weed on him and then won his 2nd consecutive Cy Young. That’s…just…AWESOME. 
Who does that? I guess it shouldn’t surprise us, the guy grew up in Washington and lives in San Francisco (and as a resident of this fine city, I can tell you with all honesty, EVERYONE smokes some weed. Fuck, even the mayor, I think Gavin just walked by me with a blunt in his mouth, “Hey Gav! Lemme hit that”). But what do we compare this to? Is it up there with David Wells throwing a perfect game while possibly still drunk (at the very least, definetly hungover. Speaking of which, is that up there with Willis Reed hobbling back on to the court in ’70 finals? Or Gibby hitting the home run in game 1 of the ’88 Series basically on 1 foot? Where does a hangover fit in against your more “traditional” sports injuries? I think I have an idea for a later blog post…)? Aren’t these instances great for the sport though? Doesn’t this make you feel like you are just like your favorite players? Like my buddy Yakov said after he read about it, “You too can win a Cy Young!” Doesn’t this humanize people? I mean, we aren’t talking crack here, this isn’t Shawn Kemp ruining his career while at the same time impregnating about 300 different women, essentially blowing everything he earned over the course of his career. I think we should celebrate The Freak. I for one will, after which I will spend all of next season hoping he blows out a knee. Go Dodgers! Okay, maybe I can’t remain COMPLETELY objective. Back to you, Nick.
This is just too great. After he finally wore out his welcome in KC (multiple arrests for beating and spitting on women, but finally, really, twittering “gay slurs” about Todd Haley- awesome. Somebody go to the TO school of “How to alienate a fan base and franchise in 140 characters or less?”) where else would he land? The Bengals of course! This being the team that employs Chris Henry, Tank Johnson, and Frostee Rucker (an all-star team of wife-beaters and drunk drivers), and of course, Mr. Chad “Johnson” Ochocinco, who isn’t a criminal (does bribing a ref $1 count?) but might just be mentally retarded.
You know, up until today I was thinking to myself, “Maybe the Bengals have it, maybe Marvin Lewis (or better yet, D Coordinator Mike Zimmer) finally gets it, you don’t need the most talented players, just driven players.” Well, that thought is gone. If Mr. Domestic Violence lasts more than 2 weeks on that team, say goodbye to the locker room and any chance in the playoffs. Not too mention, on top of it all, he hasn’t been productive the last few years (okay, I’ll give you that he was playing behind the worst O-line in football and had no QB, but that hasn’t stopped Stephen Jackson, so fuck you, I’m right). Anyhow, once again, no matter how close they get, the Bungles somehow always manage to screw it up. Back to you, Nick.
source: yahoo news
UPDATE: The Bengals started the season 7-2 and then went 3-5 after Larry Johnson signed. The only wins came against Cleveland, Detroit, and Kansas City, 3 of the top 5 worst teams in the league. They still managed to limp into the playoffs due to their pre-Wife Beater performance, but were immediately eliminated. I love being right.
